We had to teach a full 90-minute class to another classmate today. I know my reluctance makes absolutely no sense whatsoever since I'm in yoga teacher training. It's a little silly to think that I wouldn't teach...and to not want to since this is what I signed up for is even more preposterous. So be it.
Truth is (and it's commonly known at this point, I think), I am terrified, really scared about teaching. Not that I don't think I can do it eventually. But I have horrific stage fright and nerves. I am good at sutras, talking, keeping it light, setting the scene...tunes and all that, but when it comes to stringing asanas together, I find it extraordinarily challenging. That's for two reasons:
- My frame of reference is Dolly. The Dolly-lama, as we were joking about today in class. She is extraordinary. There is no other way to describe her classes. She brings it all together: the sutra, the asanas, humor, sanskrit, sequencing, music, assists, attention. Anyone who has taken a class with Dolly knows exactly what I'm talking about. So in the back of my mind, I want to recreate this experience, with my own flavor and personality, of course. But she's so mind-bogglingly good, it's frightening. And she makes it look effortless, when in truth, the reason why her classes are so good is because she does put time and herself into each and every one of them. You can feel the love.
- My home practice isn't regular enough yet for me to be comfortable with my own sequencing. Sure, I can jump on my mat and rock it. But in the right order, to invoke the right openings? That's another thing entirely. And 90 minutes is a long time to wing it. So I need to commit to a regular home practice. I know the results will be rewarding (more about that in a second).
Overall, I was actually very pleased with my teaching today, and my student gave me good feedback. I do know teaching the kids has helped me quite a bit in this regard...the nerves haven't been as prevalent. Last night, after coming home from class, going for a walk/run with the dog, a martini, dinner, a beer, and a lovely phone conversation with an equally lovely human being, I was inspired. At midnight, I cranked up The Cult (Electric), got on my mat, and started moving and writing. The result was a pleasing sequence, I think. And even though I finished five minutes early, for me, it was a huge victory. I'm thinking, I might be able to seriously do this one day—and enjoy it. That would be so cool. I would really love to be able to report to work in yoga clothes, crank some hot music, and just flow. How cool would that be?